I’m a child of the 70’s and my parents were well into the Fruity Lexia boxed wine and a good salmon mousse. They paired it with oranges stuck with cheese cubes and green pickled onions, fondue and sometimes a good ham steak with pineapple and a cherry. These were good times. Happy times.

I grew up never giving a sideways glance to the famous perforated hole where the spout peeks out and dispenses what can only be described as piss on steroids. It wasn’t until later in life that I discovered bottled wine and became a bit of a goon sack hater.

Best viewed with Barbra Streisand playing in the background.

Some of the parties I went to as a teenager were frequented by cunning law-breakers who would insert a half-empty bladder into their hoodie sleeve and sip it on the sly out of their wrist hole.  Goon of Fortune was played. Because Straya. Afterwards, one would enjoy a nice nap using the empty silver bladder blown up as a pillow.

Goon of Fortune. Not for the faint of heart.

But a new player on the market, Tote Wines, is changing things up in a major way. Their new take on the beloved goon sack, takes wine that doesn’t come in a bottle to a whole new level.

“Whilst I still think boxed claret is lyfe, I will totes give this a go. I need to move with the times.” – Rico, Flawless Vision

Why do we need this?

Imagine carrying two bottles of wine in your picnic basket or camping esky. It’s really fucking heavy. They break, they tip over, and are annoying to dispose of.

Each of these pouches holds 1.5 litres of premium wine available on tap at a fraction of the weight. And even better still, once opened, the wine stays fresh for up to one month. So in the rare instance you actually just want a single glass of wine but don’t want to open a whole bottle, you can enjoy a tasty drop from the Eden or Barossa Valley and there is no wastage.

AND, no more waiting hours or wrapping up wine bottles in wet paper towels to get it to chill faster, one of these bad boys can chill down to drinking temperature in just 15 minutes. Adding valuable quaffing time to your event.

But is it vegan?

I’m glad you asked! The answer is yes, but you can consult the Q&A section of the website for more detailed info.

What about the carbon footprint?

To put that into plain, Green speak: a single truckload of flat, empty Tote Wines pouches is the equivalent of 14 truckloads of empty glass bottles. If you simply consider the carbon emissions produced by the transport industry alone, Tote Wines pouches are a step toward a more sustainable and responsible future for OUR environment and a step in the right direction for the Australian wine industry.

You can totes carry it comfortably.

And does it taste like piss on steroids?

I tried both the Shiraz and the Sauvignon Blanc and was impressed. While the Sav Blanc had less of a sweetness than I was expecting, it was fresh and zingy and absolutely passed the fresh test as I drunk it over a couple of weeks. In fact, I think it even tasted better after a week. Find a bottle of white that does that!

The Shiraz I think is a game changer. This is not going to replace your finer bottles of wine, and it’s not meant to. But a nice Barossa drop on tap with the unbelievable convenience of a pouch and way less weight than a bottle? Yes. For camping and picnics, it makes a hellava lot of sense.

Billy was always the first to arrive and the last to leave.

The only downside I can see is that you can’t use it as a camping pillow.

Love, FK xx

Readers, get 10% off your order with the code FARKEW

AND for a chance to win a 2 pack of Tote Wines, just comment on this post saying why you need classy goon sacks in your life. And “like” the Tote Wines Facebook page to qualify.

A winner will be selected on Wednesday 25th Oct at 7pm EDT

Click the logo below to SHOP A DROP

 

 

 

 

 

**Full disclosure. Tote wines sent me some pouches for the purpose of this review. I also receive a small commission from sales that come from this blog, that comes at NO cost to you.

13 COMMENTS

  1. Beacause I’m a single mother of two beautiful daughters, one of whom shat on the carpet today (after I had just finished vacuuming and picking dried weet bix out of it) only to walk outside to hang washing and find the cat had appeared to vomit its own excrement on the back doorstep. This was before 9am. In other news, I later today received confirmation that I passed my final exams for my double degree in social science. Psychology and sociology. With a good helping of shit. Kinda goes hand in hand, no? I think I need a wine…please x

  2. I need it because I’m barred from glass and stemware after drinking anything ever 🤣🤣🤣 way to many breakages. Pouch wine is the perfect match for my disposable plastic cups (not even plastic stemwear cuts it, I snap those too) 😈.
    In short glass is for the weak who don’t know the power of placing an item down too heavily due to their superior strength and precision movements.

  3. I need classy goon sacks in my life! (Yes I am commenting everywhere now 🤣). Because I would like to get drunk please. For free. Thanks 😊

  4. I am having open heart surgery in a week (36 yrs old with 4 yr old daughter😐) and will be on warfarin for 3 months after which means I can drink my usual football team amount every night. So keeping my wine fresh after only a glass or 2 would be perfect! PS. One of my cats managed to spew on our new carpet in 6 different places. It took us half a day to find them all and the culprit hairball.

  5. Who doesn’t need classy goon sacs in their life? My parents also educated me and my siblings in the art of the goon, Fruity Lexia, now there’s a memory!! My son and daughter in law are coming to visit this Christmas, first time in I can’t remember that we’ll all be spending Christmas together! I’m super excited and would love to share the love of a classy goon sac with them! Thanks! 😉

  6. Because I had a nightmare last night that *I* was the Bachelorette, and my final two were Tony Abbott and Mike Pence!

  7. Me! I’m classy and need classy wine to match. I’m also from the *ahem* ’70’s and feel like I need a goon sack that has evolved, as I have! 🙂

  8. I definitely need these classy goon sacks! Why you ask?
    1. I am a mum to 4 boys; that’s right it’s wall-to-wall penises for me!
    2. One of my aforementioned boys has ADHD; enough said!
    3. I volunteer for 2 different charities; one helps homeless women fleeing domestic violence & the other promotes suicide awareness.
    4. I’m a crazy chicken lady and I mean officially crazy, I was recently diagnosed with bipolar type 2.
    5. I never win anything!
    6. I love you!!
    Cheers! 💞

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